for a fantasy, this is waaaayyyy too tragic

I am a tweeting woman. Even though my traffic decreased lately, but I am actively monitor my timeline in every hour every day. Just log in, check something important and then log out. 4-5 minute enough. That’s when I am busy, if not I would spent hours in a day just to re-tweeting, replying, quoting, or just tweet some ‘interesting’ topics that ‘in purpose’ to attract people to comment on those.

I do realize that I am a creative person, I am totally loves to write and raise an issue to talk to, OR sometimes I wrote something relates to what happen in a day. But I thought that my idea is running out, this is all because my brain is shrinking.

It just me or world begin to walks faster than 4 or 5 years ago. I am tired catching the deadline, tired of running the gear, tired of hoping something empty, tired of being alone struggling. I am tired of being me nowadays. I wanna quit. I wanna reach the door with the ‘STOP’ or ‘REST’ sign in it. I wanna PAUSE. Click one button that makes this world stop moving around. Just give me sometimes to breath and think with my weary heart and soul.

I wanna cry, but my eyes were not a sufficient tears-can, it can’t just pours the water out, I need something much more mellow-dramatic scene. I wanna quit but I am not typically a quitter. THESE MAKE ME CONFUSE, about who am I and what am I gonna doing with this unstable feeling.

I am holding a chance of maximum lots of £ and possibility of going to watch Manchester, Liverpool and a like, LIVEEEEEEEEEEE. I AM PREPARING MYSELF TO ENGLAND THIS YEAR, and damn this feeling is too much like a dream rather than reality. I tell you why?

1.I have no admissions letter from University in the UK. And this is tragic »ω« (I feel like moron this way)
2.If I am not gonna get that admission letters or if there are no UK institutions wanna give me a ‘seat’ in their beloved University >>> the Lovely British Council will just kick my a** out of the box. (this is waaaayyyy too tragic)
3.Now, I can’t sleep tight. Headache in the morning, pale face in the noon, stomachache in the night. ::: I spend almost the day preparing documents and do massive university hunting.
4.I CAN’T DO ANOTHER IELTS TEST. Why? THERE IS NO SQUIRRELS IN MY WALLET. Are we clear on this one?
5.Next month is my Wedding. And I need my brain to helps me concentrate, moreover in the wedding night, some bed-stuff, about making my husband happy. I need my energy, I need my brain back in place. I can’t go home with this mess, I just can’t.
6.June is near to its end, July would come, and I am not even ready for “HOLDING THIS IMAGINARY £”. It seems like I just drown on fake euphoria.
7.Some administrations problem in my office punch my face “literally” bringing some hot issue about “my impossibility of going to England”. That’s very destructive motivation from my office, thanks a lot.

Now, you know I call this chance a dream than a reality, because it is close to fantasy than a fact. Now, you know I am not around much lately. It is because I am busy making myself sure that this is not a dream and I need to move on and sadly to say, this is waaaaaaaaaaaaayyy too difficult.